Monday, 28 January 2019

My life - My story of my childhood abuse

Hello to all my readers


Todays post is not for everyone, so I totally understand if you do not want to read.
I’ve been deliberating for a while now about writing this post out. It’s a bit of an awareness post as well as telling my own story.

 Almost 10 years ago I was a normal 15-year girl who had just gone into year 11 at school, obviously a big year as it was GCSE year and the year for leaving school.  Me and my friends were getting excited about choosing our prom dresses and planning all our 16th birthdays. Mine was going to be the first one in December and we were already planning bear in mind it was only September.
On the 25th of September 2009 I woke up to a friend request on Facebook from a man I didn’t know, I looked at his profile before accepting it and thought it must be a friend of my family as he had quite a few people I knew as mutual friends on there. So, I didn’t think twice not to accept. I know now I should have ignored it. I went to school and around lunchtime, I got a Facebook message from the guy who added me that morning. We chatted a bit and said he like my profile picture and we swapped numbers over the course of the day.  It was weekend that I was staying at my dad’s, so we carried on texting over the weekend. On Sunday (27th) he asked if we could meet, so I agreed as he seems nice and genuine. At this point, I was 100% aware of his age. We agreed to meet in at the village hall in the village that my dad lived in at the time. I told my family I would take the dog out on a long walk to tire her out. I left the house just before 4 and walked up the village hall and sat on a bench in the park, he pulled up in his car and got out.  I think back now and its stupid, but I thought he was gorgeous. I cringe now at the thought of him now.
He came over and sat on the bench at we just talked, we talked for around an hour and a bit then I said I needed to go home because of the time.  We hugged and then said goodbye. I felt so many feelings which I know now I shouldn’t have but at the time I thought it was normal.
Fast forward 2 weeks and a lot of texting later, we had a teacher training day at school. It was October so it was starting to get colder, but I spent the day at home and then had a message from M to say he had finished work. We met up at the field and went for a walk that was the first time he sexually assaulted me. I didn’t agree to it but he carried on. Then stopped an apologised, I ran home and ignored him for about 2 weeks. I realised in this time that we had been seen together and had my family on my back, but I denied anything that was asked. I got my head down at school and did my mock exams with the occasional text from Michael, he asked if he could apologise again in person and I agreed. From that day we met with friends regularly, by the end of November we were seeing each other regularly and then on the 24th November, it all changed.
We met after school and played football for a bit and I kicked the ball down the side of the stream, so we went down to find it.  After finding it I went to walk back up the bank and he pushed me down, stripped off my trousers and raped me.
This started 3 months of hell. I had threats made to me if I refused to meet him and if I didn’t do what he said and told me if I told anyone I wouldn’t be here to see my birthday.
The school got involved after another girl reported him and I told the school and the police I knew nothing to protect myself. The abuse continued all over December and into January. I had turned 16 just before Christmas and nothing changed. It was my friends 16th birthday in the January and loads of us went around for a party at her house. I was hoping that I could let my hair down and chill for the evening. But at 11pm I had a text from him to say he was picking me up and I was staying at his. I refused but he made threats. I told my friends that I had to go home, and he picked me up and made me carry on drinking. We got to his house and I was sick, yet he made me drink more and more, then I blacked out. I woke up the next morning naked with him cuddled into me and I was in so much pain. I pushed him off and locked myself in the bathroom and cried. I got myself dressed and said that I needed to go as I had things to do. He dropped me to the end of my road and left for football. I felt so scared and sad I stayed in the shower for nearly an hour scrubbing my skin until it was red. I carried on with my weekend and on Monday at school told our school counsellor what had been going on for the last 3 months.   M had already been bailed after been arrested in December. The councillor was great he stayed with me while I spoke to the police and gave my evidence and had my medical done for evidence.
He was then rearrested and remanded in custody. I felt a sudden relief that the ordeal was over. Eventually, he was charged with 27 counts of child sex abuse and pleaded guilty to them. He was sentenced in the September to 8 and half years in prison where he served just under half the sentence before been released.
I’ve had countless hours of counselling over the past 9 years and I’ve finally got around to accepting that it wasn’t my fault.
I urge anyone that has been through this and hasn’t spoken to anyone please talk to someone.
I have linked a few people below who can help.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, I’ve spared most of the details as I don’t feel comfortable sharing them all but writing this helps me accept the trauma I went through. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety and depression as a result of this but I'm stronger now than I've ever been.


Lauren  xox

People to talk to who can help:




2 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing your story you strong lady ��

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love you always Lauren. Xx

    ReplyDelete

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